Letter 4 - Darkness

Dear Princess Celestia,

It’s been a while since I’ve written a letter. I’m not keeping this up as well or as often as I should; I’m sorry about that, Princess.

It’s sometimes hard for me to remember my responsibilities, especially since I still haven’t found a job or gotten much done. I need to clean my apartment, I need to do a million things, and sometimes it feels like too much. It doesn’t help that I really miss home.

See, I moved to Ponyville from a place called Manechester. A lot of my friends who lived there stayed and it’s hard for me to keep in touch with them. I used to be able to just walk down to their places and hang out with them whenever, but now I can’t do that. I want to see them all again, but I can’t. It’s really hard.

It doesn’t help that I’m not very good at making friends, either. With my depression it’s hard to leave my apartment some days, let alone talk to people. Most of my friends come from faraway places and I meet them through the internet or letters, like my pen pal, Movie Magic. Most other ponies think I’m strange, and the friends I made at my old job don’t really talk to me anymore.

Most ponies have brightly-colored coats and manes, but I have a black mane and a dark, blue-purple coat that stands out a lot. I also like nighttime better than daytime (I mean no offense, Princess Celestia) and often stay up late rather than going to bed early. I envy Princess Twilight – she has so many friends, and such very good ones, and I feel like I could never, ever be like her, even though I do have a lot of friends right now, because I can’t see them.

I applied for a job at a local store the other day, Princess, but they don’t have any place for me right now, even though they’re hiring. I can apply for support because I don’t have a job, but I’ve put it off for so long that I’m  afraid they’ll deny me. I’m not begging for help, Princess – just telling you about my problems. A lot of people keep offering and trying to help me, but that’s hard, because I don’t want to be a problem for or a burden on anyone. I feel like every moment someone else takes time for me, or gives to me, I’m proving more and more that I only drag this world down.

I don’t know that I have a lesson today, Princess. The world feels so dark right now, and it’s hard to see a way out, or learn anything at all. I haven’t written a good story in months, not since I lost my job, and my novel is at a standstill. Right now it feels like my lifeis on hold. But I guess I have to keep trying.

Thank you, Princess Celestia. Writing about these things really helps me. I hope to have a good update soon.

Sincerely,
Your faithful subject,
Midnite Brite