Most likely, Princess, you’ll never read this. I don’t even know how to send a letter to you, or if you’d really want to read it. But I heard that Princess Twilight used to do this, and she’s a pony that I really admire. I myself used to be a shy bookworm like everyone says the Princess is, who didn’t know the magic or value of friendship. I ended up with a lot of friends, too, just like Princess Twilight, and we’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way.
I decided to write this letter because some of my lessons aren’t about friendship. Sometimes they’re about myself, and sometimes, they’re about other people. So I decided I would start writing letters, to help me understand these lessons about myself.
Today, my Princess, I’m writing about several lessons I’ve learned. But first, I want to share a little bit about myself. You knew Princess Twilight very well before she became your student, but you don’t know me at all. I hope you’ll do me the honor of indulging me.
My name is Midnite Brite, at least, that’s what everyone calls me, and I’m a unicorn mare. I’m an artist and a writer, and in fact, art and writing are my Special Talent. Dealing with other ponies, though, isn’t something I’m very good at, and neither is being myself. I deal with a condition called ‘depression’. I recently learned what that means, and even though I’m sure you already know, I’ll tell you anyway, since this letter isn’t really going to be read by you, Princess Celestia. Depression means that I’m really sad a lot; almost all the time, in fact, when it’s very bad. Depression comes and goes; and sometimes, even when I look happy, I feel sad inside. I have to keep on going, even when I don’t feel up to it, and sometimes, even things that make me happy don’t seem to help. When I get depressed, sometimes it’s because of a concrete reason, other times, it just seems like I’m sad for no reason at all.
Even though creative works are my special talent, everypony needs a job, and I haven’t finished any books yet, or gotten my art noticed. So my job is helping other ponies with filling out forms and things to get passports, so that they can go to faraway places, like the Crystal Empire or the Griffon Kingdom. I enjoy helping other ponies, but sometimes, my job can get too much. Some ponies don’t really understand the magic of friendship, or the importance of kindness, generosity, honesty, laughter, and loyalty, and they make my job hard because when they’re upset, they get very mean. I would much rather be drawing or writing than doing my job.
When I get depressed, it makes it ten times harder to work. Sometimes, I have to tell my boss I can’t go, just like if I’m sick, but it’s hard for me. Today, I was feeling so depressed that I couldn’t go. I felt like if I had to even set a hoof inside my building, or explain Form PX-13 to another silly filly, I would break down in tears, or scream at a cranky donkey for forgetting to send a photo.
Luckily, though, I have very good friends to help me, Princess Celestia. One of my friends also deals with depression, and they gave me some sound advice. I needed to look inside myself to find out if I could understand what was making me unhappy, so that I can start doing what I can to fix it. After meditating on my problem for a while, I thought of the other thing that my friend told me – ‘do something that makes you happy’. I almost started to cry.
There are many things in my life that are making me sad right now. Even though I like helping other ponies, I realize now that my job doesn’t make me happy. I’m actually starting to think that I hate it. My grandmother is also very old and is dying. I know she’s going to go to a better place, a place she’ll be happy and not in pain, but I love her very much. My mother’s older sister is also very sick, with a disease called ‘cancer’ that takes over your body like a Changeling inside you, and hers is very bad. I found out that because my aunt has cancer, it’s likely that I’ll get cancer too. I’m scared, Princess Celestia, and I’ve been afraid to admit how scared I was. But the most important thing of all was that, I haven’t been allowing myself to do things that make me happy.
Even though writing and drawing are my Special Talents, I enjoy other things too! Playing games and watching shows are two of my favorite things to do, but I tell myself I don’t have time. Remember how earlier I mentioned that I only recently learned about how wonderful friendship is? Well, I’ve been so focused on making sure I’m always there for my friends, I’ve been forgetting to take time to myself to do what I like. Even when my friends aren’t around, I’ve been making myself wait for them, rather than going to go play a game or watch a movie, or even important things like making food for myself to eat. I feel like doing things I enjoy is selfish and wrong if it means taking time away from my friends.
I know it sounds silly, Princess Celestia, but friendship has been more important to me than anything else in the world. Somepony broke my heart a long time ago, a pony who had been taken over by discord, and because I thought I could help him, I let him do things to me that made me lose the ability to understand what true friendship was. I think maybe this is part of his ghost, feeling like my friends are more important than myself.
So, Princess Celestia, I’ve made a decision. I’m going to take some time every day to do what I like to do. Maybe if I do things I enjoy more often, even when I don’t feel like they’ll help, I’ll start feeling better. It will be easier to go do my job even when I feel like I’m going to explode at the next silly filly, dolt colt, superior stallion or mad mare if I also do things I enjoy, without having them feel like a chore.
I suppose my friendship lesson today is this: Friends are wonderful, and helping friends is important, but your friends will understand if you need time to yourself. Also, when you’re feeling sad, don’t be afraid to lean on friends for advice. And even when life gets you down, sometimes all it takes is doing something you love to bring you back up.
Your loving subject,
Midnite Brite
PS: I think I’m going to write more letters to you, Princess, to tell you how I’m doing, as well as share more friendship lessons with you. Do you think this is a good idea? I hope so.
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